Internal Family Systems Therapy
Negative experiences can leave emotions, beliefs, memories, and sensations in us that are locked away. We develop coping strategies to protect us from re-experiencing these overwhelming unsafe experiences. Once there to protect you, these coping strategies can become stuck habits that no longer help you, impacting your relationship with yourself and others. In Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy, these overwhelming experiences can create three burdened 'parts’:
BURDENED MANAGERS
These are protective parts who bring security by being proactive and controlling. They are responsible for keeping life together. Often focused on the future, they fear that relinquishing control will lead to worse outcomes. Often tired, they protect against anything that leads to vulnerability, pain, or instability.
Eg: Controlling, analyzing, criticizing, achieving, judging, caretaking, people pleasing, planning, avoiding, blocking, numbing, worrying, denying, rejecting, etc.
BURDENED FIREFIGHTERS
These are protective parts who are very reactive. They are automatic and jump into action to prevent any hurt and pain in the present. Consequences don’t matter as they only care about immediate safety. Firefighters are powerful in removing hurt and pain fast.
Eg: Abusing substances, overspending, anger, dissociating, distracting, pornography, cutting and self-harm, attempting suicide, addictive behaviours like bingeing and TV/social media, etc.
BURDENED EXILES
These young parts have experienced trauma and attachment injuries, carrying deep wounds filled with danger, pain, or shame from the past. Extreme in their attempt to be cared for, healed and seen, the other protective parts fear they are too overwhelming, thus, shutting them away.
Eg: Not good enough, too much, dependency, abandonment, and shame, etc.
Path to Healing
The goal of therapy through IFS is to understand the good reasons behind these ‘parts’ and help them unburden their extreme roles and become more Self-led. With the unburdening of these protector parts, one can get out of stuck cycles and live a life with more harmony and balance. Protector parts (Managers and Firefighters) have agendas; they will unburden their protective roles once the parts they are protecting (Exiles) can let go of their burdens and feel safely connected to the Self.
"All protectors aim to keep emotional pain out of awareness and don't understand that banishing vulnerable parts increases their panic and pain. When exiled parts panic and manage to break into awareness, protectors simply double down on excluding them. This repetitive, draining dynamic consumes a great deal of mental and emotional energy." (Herbine-Blank & Sweezy)
The length of therapy is guided by how much these burdened parts can let go of their extreme agendas and trust the Self to be the source of internal reassurance and guidance. Parts that were once stuck in old roles can now become:
UNBURDENED MANAGERS
Take on a balanced approach to daily responsibilities. Are effective and collaborative, encouraging other parts and people. Advocate for growth, becoming more accepting and nurturing.
UNBURDENED FIREFIGHTERS
Signal the Self directly when stress levels are high. Use effective self-soothing activities and diversions. Advocate for fairness and stand up to injustice. Lend courage and confidence to act bravely in challenging situations. Have the confidence to risk and take on challenges that were once too scary.
UNBURDENED EXILES
Can experience vulnerability as strength, advocating for connection and care. Feel secure with Self as primary caretaker, feeling freer to reach out to others. Offer intuitions about others’ feelings. Enjoy being open and trusting.
Discovering the SELF
Inherently embodies the 8Cs of IFS: Clarity, Confidence, Calm, Curiosity, Courage, Compassion, Connectedness and Creativity. There is comfort, balance, harmony, and acceptance within oneself and others. The Self doesn’t need improvement as it exists in everyone and only needs to be uncovered. The journey of rediscovering this inner source of security can be understood with the following visual:
When wounded parts remain unhealed, a person can be flooded with stress, being highly vulnerable and easily triggered, requiring constant vigilance and energy from their blended protector parts. The path to healing is to unblend from stuck parts to find an inner source of security from the Self.
"The times when you are able to separate and speak from a Self-led place despite the incredible drive to remain blended with an old protector role become key moments of growth. Recognize those key moments... when every muscle and nerve in your body is pulling you toward your old set of responses, and yet a new force lifts you up off the accustomed track toward deliberate, constructive action -- toward repair." (Schwartz)
Two great books to learn more about your parts and this healing process:
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No Bad Parts
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You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For
Source: Walsh and Pastor
"What can I expect from therapy?"
You will go through three stages of growth as you move down the Continuum of Self:
STAGE 1: STABILIZATION
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Increased awareness of emotional responses to stress, as well as interactions with others
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Improved emotional balance and wider window of tolerance; more flexibility, less numbing/reactivity
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A reduction of symptoms, e.g., less anxiety, depression, anger
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Stuck patterns become more clear as conflicting parts begin to unblend, allowing for a newer sense of Self
STAGE 2: RESTRUCTURING
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Vulnerability is experienced as strength
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Can move into deeper levels of experience for longer periods
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A more accurate awareness of felt emotional experiences
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Rather than seeking external reassurance, security comes from the Self for improved self-regulation
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A more authentic experience of Self arises, becoming more responsive and adaptive
STAGE 3: CONSOLIDATION
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Increased flexibility with others and Self takes shape
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Deeper confidence with new behavioural responses
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Relapse of old patterns is predicted and prepared for
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Instead of isolation or criticism, one can be open for support and find Self-worth and assurance from within
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Can move from chaos to order, reactivity to balance, from self-denial to self-acceptance, from helplessness to agency
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Can become Self-led with their internal parts and embody the qualities of the 8Cs in IFS - Calm, Clarity, Curiosity, Courage, Compassion, Connectedness, Confidence, and Creativity
Source: Johnson, Campbell, Schwartz
"If one has no internal sense of security, it is difficult to determine the difference between safety and danger." Bessel van der Kolk
Resources
In this interview with Gabor Maté, he explores the impact of suppressing one's internal needs of the self (authenticity) to seek out external acceptance by others (attachment).
This interview is a similar but shorter version of the longer interview above on Authenticity and Attachment.
This episode explores the intersection of Polyvagal Theory, neuroscience, and attachment with Deb Dana. We will investigate how the mind creates stories from information relayed by the nervous system, and how we can rewrite the script to move toward security.
Stress isn’t always a bad thing; it can be handy for a burst of extra energy and focus. But when it’s continuous, it actually begins to change your brain. This short video shows how chronic stress can affect brain size, its structure, and how it functions, right down to the level of your genes.
A short and powerful video by Dr. Bruce Perry that explores how stress response patterns can either become a protective factor or a risk factor.
When triggered we react without thinking about the consequences, often causing ruptures in our relationships. Dr. Bruce Perry explains the reasons behind our reactions.